“Although you enjoy having high standards, it’s important to view yourself through loving eyes. Berating yourself only makes your spirit sink. Self-improvement comes from a positive mind-set.”
— Doreen Virtue

There are times where we may feel disconnected from ourselves or our purpose in life. Often self-sabotage is the common reason that we cut ourselves off from the flow of life. It may be that we do this unconsciously to avoid dealing with certain issues or painful situations in our life.

See yourself through loving eyes and have the courage to take the steps to grow and reconnect. There is a flow to the universe and you need to jump into it with complete faith. Nothing has ever really left you, you just need to allow yourself to see the love and strength inside you again.

“If there is a challenge in the great tragedies that are visited upon us, it is only this: that if we were not to transcend them, we would descend into a darkness so great that, like a star burning in upon itself, we would implode, taking all with us as we died.” — Kent Nerburn

Ah, the wonderful feeling of having a huge weight lift from your heart. Forgiveness. Forgiving someone else, as I have often mentioned, is truly an act of self-love as you are freeing yourself from the burden of anger.

But what about yourself? Are there things for which you are not forgiving yourself? Are you burdening yourself with guilt?

I find that when people are not able to forgive others, it actually starts much closer to home. There usually lurks some past issues that they have not dealt with completely. And since they cannot grant this gift to themselves, it is impossible to give it to others.

Once again, take the steps to free yourself from your past and make this your newest mantra: “I forgive you as I forgive myself”.

“I think I let go of the need for approval. It certainly feels good when you get it, but I used to be more desperate for it. Once I felt better inside about myself…I could do everything based on how I want to do things.”
— Ellen DeGeneres

Praise, appreciation, compliments. I was an approval junkie for many years. And like any other “addiction” I found myself needing it so much, I no longer knew how I felt about myself, unless someone told me how to feel. That meant that if someone thought I was great, I felt great. And when someone thought I was terrible, I felt terrible.

My inner guidance and self-esteem shut down and I was at the mercy of everyone else’s opinion. And with the amount of people I had to deal with everyday, my emotions and feelings about myself were in a state of constant yo-yo.

Thankfully, I have given myself a couple of well-needed gifts since those days. I have given myself the gift of forgiveness and I have given myself the much-needed gift of self-love.

I now allow myself to be my own guide to feeling good by doing good things. I still enjoy hearing positive feedback from others, but I don’t need it as I used to. Also, the good part is that when the occasional critique comes my way, I am less likely to take it personally. I have found the balance between outside opinions and my own internal guidance system.

“The greatest mistake you can make in life is to be continually fearing you will make one.”
— Elbert Hubbard (1856-1915)

When you say what you fear out loud, you will often find how ridiculous, or inaccurate, or inappropriate it is for your life. I had a talk a while back with my husband about one of the fears holding me back from making some simple phone calls. I had to call some people that I didn’t know in order to set up an interview time with them. In my mind I knew that this was no big deal for me to do. I have definitely done more challenging tasks or assignments. So what was holding me back? Why was I so afraid to just make these calls? I had been procrastinating for over two weeks now, coming up with excuse after excuse as to why I should put it off until the next day.

Well, with a little self-probing I realized that it wasn’t making the phone calls that was posing the problem, but making the phone calls with my husband within earshot. I was fearing his judgment or criticism of me and my ability to call up strangers to book an interview. No wait, take it a step further, I was afraid he would think that I am not as competent as I always lead him to believe. I wanted to make the calls when he wasn’t around, so that if I said something “stupid”, he wouldn’t know about it and couldn’t criticize me. So really, I was fearing being criticized by someone who I really respect and value their opinion. (more…)