“You are always a valuable, worthwhile human being — not because anybody says so, not because you’re successful, not because you make a lot of money — but because you decide to believe it and for no other reason.”
— Wayne Dyer

What if today you lost your job or your possessions. Would you be worthless? What if someone walked up to you and told you that you were stupid, would you believe them?

Base your self-worth on who you are at your source. You are not what you do, you are not what you have, you are not what others think of you (both positive or negative).

Believe you are of value because that is the reality for every single person in the world no matter what they do or don’t do, what they have or don’t have, and what others think of them or don’t think of them.

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.  Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure… We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? Actually who are you not to be?”
— Marianne Williamson

Ah, that oh so familiar voice of low self-esteem. I am happy it no longer lives with me full-time. But it is funny how I still can hear its echo calling from whatever cave I threw it in years ago — “Who are you to be amazing?” it shouts out hoping to be heard.

It holds me back for a moment or two. That slight hesitation when someone asks me to present something to their group because they value what I have to say. Or the slight disbelief when someone offers me a compliment. But then, I come back to who I am and I say “Thank you” because I realize I am amazing.

When you hear me say that about myself, is there a voice in you saying — “Who does she think she is?” Realize that is your own voice of low self-esteem that is projecting your self-doubts onto me. It doesn’t want you to realize that you too are amazing and powerful because you might lock that little voice away one day for good as well.

“I think I let go of the need for approval. It certainly feels good when you get it, but I used to be more desperate for it. Once I felt better inside about myself…I could do everything based on how I want to do things.”
— Ellen DeGeneres

Praise, appreciation, compliments. I was an approval junkie for many years. And like any other “addiction” I found myself needing it so much, I no longer knew how I felt about myself, unless someone told me how to feel. That meant that if someone thought I was great, I felt great. And when someone thought I was terrible, I felt terrible.

My inner guidance and self-esteem shut down and I was at the mercy of everyone else’s opinion. And with the amount of people I had to deal with everyday, my emotions and feelings about myself were in a state of constant yo-yo.

Thankfully, I have given myself a couple of well-needed gifts since those days. I have given myself the gift of forgiveness and I have given myself the much-needed gift of self-love.

I now allow myself to be my own guide to feeling good by doing good things. I still enjoy hearing positive feedback from others, but I don’t need it as I used to. Also, the good part is that when the occasional critique comes my way, I am less likely to take it personally. I have found the balance between outside opinions and my own internal guidance system.

“Self-esteem is a huge piece of my work. You have to believe it’s possible and believe in yourself. Because after you’ve decided what you want, you have to believe it’s possible, and possible for you, not just for other people. Then you need to seek out models, mentors, and coaches.”
— Jack Canfield

Do you ever feel like you are working so hard to please everyone around you that you lose yourself in their expectations? It is sort of like fitting our lives into little boxes. There may just be one box. Or there may be many boxes… which can really tire you out at the end of the day.

What do I mean by a box? Take each relationship you have or situation in your life and see if you are being your authentic self with them or if you are squeezing yourself in (or trying to squeeze yourself out) of a belief system that is not yours.

It can relate to any part of your life, your career (I am a team-player that likes everyone I work with), your family (I am a super-mom that can do it all), your romantic relationships (I am a passionate lover).

These are all fine… great even, if they are truly you. What if you like working more independently? What if you need help from the rest of the family to get everything done? What if you are too tired at the end of the day to be passionate all the time?

It’s up to you to stay in the box or to feel free to move around and enjoy life as you are…

“When we feel great about who we are, we radiate an undeniable magnetic energy that attracts to us all the things we desire.”
—Debbie Ford, The Best Year of Your LIfe

Having high self-esteem is probably the most important requirement in achieving success, obtaining what you want in life, and simply living the best life you could possibly live. Too often we are lead to believe that we can feel good or better by obtaining things outside ourselves — money, status, respect from others. This often means we neglect and minimize the importance of how we feel inside.

As long as we continue to feel shame, judgment, doubt about who we are, happiness and success will not find their ways to us as we run around trying to fill the void with things outside ourselves. When we have the courage to love and respect who we are, both perfect and imperfect, we automatically feel deserving enough to have it all.