“The harder you fight to hold on to specific assumptions, the more likely there’s gold in letting go of them.”
— John Seely Brown, Fast Company

The weight of emotional baggage can be overwhelming at times. I once had someone explain it to me this way: Imagine that all our negative emotions go into a bucket, and each time we hold on to a negative emotion it raises the level bit by bit. Sometimes, we may just be mildly upset and only a small drop goes in which doesn’t raise it up much. Other times we may be very upset and it starts going up to the top faster and faster.

But what happens when the bucket gets full? In my experience, even the smallest upset will allow all the old emotions to spill over the sides and it becomes very, very messy.

How do we overcome this? Letting go. If you need to have a bucket, make sure it has some holes in it and visualize the negativity escaping out the bottom when you are not looking. Let go of anger and resentment about things that are not controllable. Let go of the pain you are carrying with you in that heavy bucket from things that happened long ago. Let go of the regrets, disappointments and excuses.

Forgiveness, love, compassion, understanding — these are the tools to keep you moving forward and living the life you are in right now. When you let go, you will find your gold.

“If there is a challenge in the great tragedies that are visited upon us, it is only this: that if we were not to transcend them, we would descend into a darkness so great that, like a star burning in upon itself, we would implode, taking all with us as we died.” — Kent Nerburn

Ah, the wonderful feeling of having a huge weight lift from your heart. Forgiveness. Forgiving someone else, as I have often mentioned, is truly an act of self-love as you are freeing yourself from the burden of anger.

But what about yourself? Are there things for which you are not forgiving yourself? Are you burdening yourself with guilt?

I find that when people are not able to forgive others, it actually starts much closer to home. There usually lurks some past issues that they have not dealt with completely. And since they cannot grant this gift to themselves, it is impossible to give it to others.

Once again, take the steps to free yourself from your past and make this your newest mantra: “I forgive you as I forgive myself”.

“Resentment or grudges do no harm to the person against whom you hold these feelings but every day and every night of your life, they are eating at you.”
— Norman Vincent Peale

I was asked the other day, what is the one thing that I would rank as the most important thing for personal growth. Easily and instinctively I said, “Forgiveness”.

When I look at the world, when I talk to my friends and neighbors, the majority of the time I can hear situations where grudges, resentment, anger, and even hatred rule their lives more than they even realize.

Some ask, why should you forgive if someone has deliberately harmed you? Take a look at what non-forgiveness does to your life and you won’t need to ask. I have a friend who says there is barely a minute of the day that goes by where he isn’t thinking about how much he was hurt. Then there are the sleepless nights and nightmares that haunt as well.

Why put yourself through that? Aren’t you worth more than that? How much more would you be able to accomplish if you could free your mind of those negative, resentful thoughts. How much better you would feel if you could get a good night’s sleep.

Therefore, forgiveness is really simply an act of self-love.

“All blame is a waste of time. No matter how much fault you find with another, and regardless of how much you blame him, it will not change you.

The only thing blame does is to keep the focus off you when you are looking for external reasons to explain your unhappiness or frustration. You may succeed in making another feel guilty about something by blaming him, but you won’t succeed in changing whatever it is about you that is making you unhappy.”
— Wayne Dyer

Often blame is a convenient way to distract oneself from looking at the root of the situations at hand. However, it also tends to make a victim of yourself by placing your life in the hands of others.

Take control of your life and your emotions by granting forgiveness to those that have hurt you. Focus on understanding the lesson that may have come with that challenging situation. This will allow you to truly change your life and your life circumstances.

“I think I let go of the need for approval. It certainly feels good when you get it, but I used to be more desperate for it. Once I felt better inside about myself…I could do everything based on how I want to do things.”
— Ellen DeGeneres

Praise, appreciation, compliments. I was an approval junkie for many years. And like any other “addiction” I found myself needing it so much, I no longer knew how I felt about myself, unless someone told me how to feel. That meant that if someone thought I was great, I felt great. And when someone thought I was terrible, I felt terrible.

My inner guidance and self-esteem shut down and I was at the mercy of everyone else’s opinion. And with the amount of people I had to deal with everyday, my emotions and feelings about myself were in a state of constant yo-yo.

Thankfully, I have given myself a couple of well-needed gifts since those days. I have given myself the gift of forgiveness and I have given myself the much-needed gift of self-love.

I now allow myself to be my own guide to feeling good by doing good things. I still enjoy hearing positive feedback from others, but I don’t need it as I used to. Also, the good part is that when the occasional critique comes my way, I am less likely to take it personally. I have found the balance between outside opinions and my own internal guidance system.

Now that the lightening and thunderstorms have passed and we have our internet connection back up — here’s the daily inspiration again!

“Laugh at yourself, but don’t ever aim your doubt at yourself.”
— Alan Alda

Don’t take yourself or all of life’s ups and downs too seriously. Lighten up. We were designed to live by our senses, not by our brains. Be bold and trust your inner guidance without hesitation.

Always follow your instincts, your intuition, your gut. And when things don’t go the way you thought it would, laugh at your mistakes. Being able to laugh at yourself is the key to self-actualization.

None of us is in control as much as we would like to think we are. Go with the flow. Forgive yourself. And move forward.

“Life is an adventure in forgiveness.”
— Norman Cousins (1912-1990)

If I were to ask you to remember a past event that caused some sort of negative emotion for you, how would you feel about talking about it? Would you feel all the negative emotions filling up your brain and your heart? Do you begin to feel the sadness, the anger, the frustration of that event even though you are completely removed from that moment in time? It’s almost like the past is reliving itself all over again just by talking about it.

So why is it that so many of us insist on talking about our painful past events, digging up minute details, and allowing ourselves to be caught up in all that emotion all over again? What is to be gained? What is to be improved doing this over and over again with no resolution in sight?

It is my firm belief that you do not have to keep talking about the past in order to work out the issues associated with it. I call it active forgetting. We all know that these types of events don’t just disappear from our memories, even if we don’t talk about them everyday. They are part of who we are. So let us start by understanding and accepting that we have not forgotten and therefore we do not need to refresh our memories by talking about them.

However, in my day to day life, I will not allow myself to be a victim of my past. I will however, actively use that marker as a learning tool, a silent reminder that I use as a clear guide as to what I want my life to be like. I am focused on the now and fill my life with positive energy and love. Therefore, if I don’t want to feel those negative emotions anymore, it is key to not rehash the old events. Focus on present day issues.

I do remember, I do forgive, and I live a life of love from now onward.

“Without freedom from the past, there is no freedom at all, because the mind is never new, fresh, innocent.”
—Krishnamurti

When we hold onto our past, we do not allow ourselves the freedom to grow and move forward into the present moment. Instead, we carry these heavy loads of upsets, hurts, and regrets over past events which invariably steal our energy and love in some form or another. The worst part of holding on to the pains of our past is that it allows the negative energy to seep into our present and our future.

In order to start living with true freedom we must find closure to these incidents or people that are attached to the pain. We must allow forgiveness to help heal our wounds by choosing to let go of the past wrongs and no longer be hurt by them. Do not let these unresolved issues block you from expressing your greatest self. Imagine how good it will be to have a clear field to plant the seeds for your future.