“Life is an adventure in forgiveness.”
— Norman Cousins (1912-1990)

If I were to ask you to remember a past event that caused some sort of negative emotion for you, how would you feel about talking about it? Would you feel all the negative emotions filling up your brain and your heart? Do you begin to feel the sadness, the anger, the frustration of that event even though you are completely removed from that moment in time? It’s almost like the past is reliving itself all over again just by talking about it.

So why is it that so many of us insist on talking about our painful past events, digging up minute details, and allowing ourselves to be caught up in all that emotion all over again? What is to be gained? What is to be improved doing this over and over again with no resolution in sight?

It is my firm belief that you do not have to keep talking about the past in order to work out the issues associated with it. I call it active forgetting. We all know that these types of events don’t just disappear from our memories, even if we don’t talk about them everyday. They are part of who we are. So let us start by understanding and accepting that we have not forgotten and therefore we do not need to refresh our memories by talking about them.

However, in my day to day life, I will not allow myself to be a victim of my past. I will however, actively use that marker as a learning tool, a silent reminder that I use as a clear guide as to what I want my life to be like. I am focused on the now and fill my life with positive energy and love. Therefore, if I don’t want to feel those negative emotions anymore, it is key to not rehash the old events. Focus on present day issues.

I do remember, I do forgive, and I live a life of love from now onward.

I just had a couple of articles published in Muchmor Magazine this month.

One covers my personal journey as a parent of a child with special needs (pgs. 50-51) and the other includes some info about my involvement with the Power of Women Exchange (pgs. 42-45).

Take a peak. It’s free and it’s online!

Muchmor Magazine.

“The value of compassion cannot be over-emphasized. Anyone can criticize. It takes a true believer to be compassionate. No greater burden can be borne by an individual than to know no one cares or understands.”
— Arthur H. Stainback

When we think of being compassionate, it often relates to people that we already care about or situations we can understand through personal experience. Perhaps we also can extend compassion for those we see suffering in ways we have never known personally, but we feel they don’t deserve it.

But what about compassion for those we don’t like. Or for things we think are inherently “bad”? Do they not deserve compassion as well? If we hear a little voice saying things like, “They deserved it anyway”; Or “She wasn’t a nice person, so she brought it on herself”; take a step back and see if you can find a new angle on the situation.

Compassion comes also from finding value in things that we may judge or criticize as bad and accepting them for that newly found value. There is something good in all people and all things. That is part of the balance of the universe. Compassion does not mean condoning “bad” things. It means accepting and understanding that there is good in there as well.

“It is wise to direct your anger towards problems — not people; to focus your energies on answers — not excuses.”
— William Arthur Ward

Sometimes the saying, “Old habits are hard to break” is truer than you can or want to believe. You promised yourself that you were going to change your ways, not fall into the same traps. But here it comes again and you just can’t seem to stop it from happening.

Give yourself a break. We all know that it’s not easy to change. Especially when you have been doing something one way for so long — for some it might even be a lifetime. Coming down on yourself with blame and self-loathing will not help the situation, and will more likely reinforce whatever negative, fear-based pattern you were trying to change in the first place.

When this happens, it is important that you recognize the old patterns. Catch yourself, even in mid-flight. Then do something new. Do not let it continue or end like it always did before. Throw yourself a curve and before long your habits won’t know what to expect the next time they try to creep up into your life.

Beautiful music is wonderful for the mind, body, and soul. If you are feeling bad, down, overwhelmed or stressed, music can truly take you to another state of being.

For me, music changes everything. Listening to it is one thing and it can lift my mood almost instantly, and singing truly nourishes my soul. Sing — anywhere, anytime. Help your immune system and actually change your brain by singing. Just sing.

And plunk in your favorite CD right when you get home from work. Dance around in the kitchen while you prepare dinner. Let music be the medicine of choice.

Check out all the innovative Music to Care for Your Life products on their official web site right now. If you want to bring this music into your life take advantage of a 5% discount at check-out with discount code: 7151.

Our guest, Kathy Collard of Home Inspirations, guided us on Wednesday through the messy corners of our home and our mind as we tackled real life clutter issues. Discover some of the top tips to keeping your home a place of relaxation and enjoyment, free up some of your valuable time, and unlock some of your hidden emotional blockages that might be reflected in the clutter of your house!

Listen in to Real Life Radio!

And learn more about Kathy’s business Home Inspirations by visiting her site.

“The greatness of the human personality begins at the hour of birth.”
— Maria Montessori

According to the personality testing of The Enneagram there are nine personality types. And there seems to be three main mind-sets that we, as human beings, operate or live in — one that you could call a healthy mode, one that is an average mode, and one that is more unhealthy. Of course there are always some in-between stages as well.

The level we would all like to be functioning in most of the time is our healthy mode. When we are functioning in our healthy state of being we are working at our best level of being. Things flow, things work, we are happy, we are kind. We love ourselves and we love others.

For the most part we fluctuate throughout the day between the three levels and that is perfectly normal to do so. Keep in mind that it is possible to stay for longer and longer periods of the day in the healthy level. Have faith that with the proper awareness of our states of being, we can make the necessary adjustments to keep ourselves feeling and sharing the joy of life.

“The power to create quality of life is not in any planner. The power to create quality of life is within us, in our ability to develop and use our own inner-compass so that we can act with integrity in the moment of choice.”
— Stephen Covey

What will happen tomorrow? Or the next day? Or the next week, month, year? Other than some fairly predictable norms in my life, I wouldn’t be able to answer that with much detail or accuracy because I simply cannot know about something that has not yet happened. And what about all the things that are going to happen that I can’t even imagine at this present moment? How will they affect the equation when I didn’t put them into my calculations?

So why do we take up so much of our time thinking, or worse yet, worrying about the future when we have no way to know for certain what it will entail?

No matter how challenging your situation appears to you at this time, you can make it through one day at a time. Focus on the present day and moment and what action steps you can take right now. Understand that each conscious choice you make now will create the quality of life upon which you decide.

“If you yourself are at peace, then there is at least some peace in the world.”
— Thomas Merton

Inner peace can be found through many different methods: through meditation, through gratitude, through love. When you make decisions in your life that bring about a sense of calmness it means that you are listening to your inner guides or your intuition which will not lead you astray.

This little bit of peace may seem so insignificant when there are so many people suffering in the world and so much conflict wherever we look. But if everyone were to focus on peace within themselves, it would lead to more peace in the world one person at a time.

“The chief lesson I have learned in a long life is that the only way to make a man trustworthy is to trust him; and the surest way to make him untrustworthy is to distrust him and show your distrust.”
—Henry L. Stimson (1867 - 1950)

The power of your thoughts can influence trusting another person. As Henry Stimson points out, the more you believe and treat someone as trustworthy, the more trustworthy they become to you. Conversely, if you put all your energy into not trusting someone, they will turn out to be untrustworthy. You create your own reality with your thoughts and beliefs.

But I would also encourage you to discover what is the true nature of your distrust. Is it based on present facts or fears? From personal experience, I have found that trusting someone has more to do with allowing yourself to open up to possible vulnerabilities. And therefore it has not so much to do with the other’s actions or behavior, but more to do with your own fear of being hurt.

In order to trust someone else, it is vital that you begin to trust yourself. You must trust that you are a strong enough person to handle whatever comes your way. You must trust that you are able to open your heart up and allow others in. In doing so you face your fear of getting hurt. And as Shakti Gawain reminds us, “When I’m trusting and being myself… everything in my life reflects this by falling into place easily, often miraculously.”