“Love fulfilled sees where we could have gone the way of love before, if we’d known how, and how insecurities limited many of our choices. Love fulfilled perceives new meaning and higher reasons behind many of the mysteries of why things happened as they did.”
— Doc Childre

Have you ever questioned why you have chosen to have certain people in your life — and more specifically in your romantic life? We all have very good reasons for making our love choices, even if we are not consciously aware of them. We may choose a relationship that will improve our life in some way, teach us something important that couldn’t be learned in any other way, or challenge us to become better people.

Today, take a closer look at the relationships you have chosen for yourself. What is the mirror in front of you trying to tell you, trying to teach you? Our relationships can be more than just a source of happiness (or pain) if we look at them from a different point of view. Why did you choose to be with this person? What are you getting out of this relationship that makes it so valuable to your life path?

Taking this moment to look deeper into the meaning of your partnering choices, you may be surprised at the deeper hidden messages that you have been sending to yourself over the years through your significant other. Give yourself the gift of self-awareness and accelerate your learning by opening up your mind to the possibilities of growth that your relationships give to you.

“I think I let go of the need for approval. It certainly feels good when you get it, but I used to be more desperate for it. Once I felt better inside about myself…I could do everything based on how I want to do things.”
— Ellen DeGeneres

Praise, appreciation, compliments. I was an approval junkie for many years. And like any other “addiction” I found myself needing it so much, I no longer knew how I felt about myself, unless someone told me how to feel. That meant that if someone thought I was great, I felt great. And when someone thought I was terrible, I felt terrible.

My inner guidance and self-esteem shut down and I was at the mercy of everyone else’s opinion. And with the amount of people I had to deal with everyday, my emotions and feelings about myself were in a state of constant yo-yo.

Thankfully, I have given myself a couple of well-needed gifts since those days. I have given myself the gift of forgiveness and I have given myself the much-needed gift of self-love.

I now allow myself to be my own guide to feeling good by doing good things. I still enjoy hearing positive feedback from others, but I don’t need it as I used to. Also, the good part is that when the occasional critique comes my way, I am less likely to take it personally. I have found the balance between outside opinions and my own internal guidance system.

“When we see men of worth, we should think of equaling them; when we see men of a contrary character, we should turn inward and examine ourselves.”
— Confucius

Every now and then we have moments where we come across people that we don’t agree with or their life situation seems so obviously easy to change or correct in our eyes. However, the reality is that we will never have enough information about people to judge them accurately. Judgment leads nowhere helpful as it blinds the person making the judgment.

It is not very easy to refrain from making quick judgments about others, especially when everybody else is doing it. But only you are responsible for your own growth and change, not others. The next time you are about to cast a quick judgment, ask yourself the following questions: Is it true? Is it useful? Is it necessary? Do I truly know that person’s life or their life journey?

Then the final step is to turn inward and ask yourself: What is it in that person or that situation that reflects my own life, or my own attitudes? Often we will surprise ourselves with the discovery that we are judging in others what we should be addressing in ourselves.

“There is no stress in the world, only people thinking stressful thoughts and then acting on them.”
— Dr. Wayne Dyer

Misery is not supposed to be the norm of life. Take out the stress and drama in your life and you will see that it is actually all good and can even be fun. Joy and love is what you are truly all about. It is the natural state of your being. Allow yourself to be the true you and see what a difference it will make everyday in every aspect of your life.

It doesn’t matter what you are doing — work, school, daily chores — have fun with it by adding a smile or laugh. Spread the joy of life around you to others who have forgotten that life is supposed to be fun. See even the most mundane of tasks for what for what it is — a stepping stone on your journey to the greatest life for you.

“When we feel great about who we are, we radiate an undeniable magnetic energy that attracts to us all the things we desire.”
—Debbie Ford, The Best Year of Your LIfe

Having high self-esteem is probably the most important requirement in achieving success, obtaining what you want in life, and simply living the best life you could possibly live. Too often we are lead to believe that we can feel good or better by obtaining things outside ourselves — money, status, respect from others. This often means we neglect and minimize the importance of how we feel inside.

As long as we continue to feel shame, judgment, doubt about who we are, happiness and success will not find their ways to us as we run around trying to fill the void with things outside ourselves. When we have the courage to love and respect who we are, both perfect and imperfect, we automatically feel deserving enough to have it all.

“I pay no attention whatever to anybody’s praise or blame. I simply follow my own feelings.”
— Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart

As difficult as it may be to listen only to your inner self, allowing yourself to be guided by others opinions of you, either good or bad, will leave you feeling like you are the rope in a game of tug-o-war.

Follow your heart and you will never go astray for it will always be true to you.

“You can address your angelic request directly to God or to your angels. Either way, heaven instantly responds to your message and sends angels to guide, love, and heal you.”
— Doreen Virtue, Divine Guidance

I have often been pleasantly surprised with the different methods of receiving advice for some issue plaguing me. I could be in line at the store and someone will say something interesting that just happens to apply to my situation. Or I will be chatting with some acquaintances and they will voice their opinion on a topic without being asked specifically. My angels, I am discovering, are all around me whenever I need them. They seem to whisper just the right things to people to guide me on my way.

Keep your eyes and ears peeled for that next stranger that happens to give you some worthy advice. You never know, they may just be your angel in disguise.

“Life is an adventure in forgiveness.”
— Norman Cousins (1912-1990)

If I were to ask you to remember a past event that caused some sort of negative emotion for you, how would you feel about talking about it? Would you feel all the negative emotions filling up your brain and your heart? Do you begin to feel the sadness, the anger, the frustration of that event even though you are completely removed from that moment in time? It’s almost like the past is reliving itself all over again just by talking about it.

So why is it that so many of us insist on talking about our painful past events, digging up minute details, and allowing ourselves to be caught up in all that emotion all over again? What is to be gained? What is to be improved doing this over and over again with no resolution in sight?

It is my firm belief that you do not have to keep talking about the past in order to work out the issues associated with it. I call it active forgetting. We all know that these types of events don’t just disappear from our memories, even if we don’t talk about them everyday. They are part of who we are. So let us start by understanding and accepting that we have not forgotten and therefore we do not need to refresh our memories by talking about them.

However, in my day to day life, I will not allow myself to be a victim of my past. I will however, actively use that marker as a learning tool, a silent reminder that I use as a clear guide as to what I want my life to be like. I am focused on the now and fill my life with positive energy and love. Therefore, if I don’t want to feel those negative emotions anymore, it is key to not rehash the old events. Focus on present day issues.

I do remember, I do forgive, and I live a life of love from now onward.

“The value of compassion cannot be over-emphasized. Anyone can criticize. It takes a true believer to be compassionate. No greater burden can be borne by an individual than to know no one cares or understands.”
— Arthur H. Stainback

When we think of being compassionate, it often relates to people that we already care about or situations we can understand through personal experience. Perhaps we also can extend compassion for those we see suffering in ways we have never known personally, but we feel they don’t deserve it.

But what about compassion for those we don’t like. Or for things we think are inherently “bad”? Do they not deserve compassion as well? If we hear a little voice saying things like, “They deserved it anyway”; Or “She wasn’t a nice person, so she brought it on herself”; take a step back and see if you can find a new angle on the situation.

Compassion comes also from finding value in things that we may judge or criticize as bad and accepting them for that newly found value. There is something good in all people and all things. That is part of the balance of the universe. Compassion does not mean condoning “bad” things. It means accepting and understanding that there is good in there as well.

Beautiful music is wonderful for the mind, body, and soul. If you are feeling bad, down, overwhelmed or stressed, music can truly take you to another state of being.

For me, music changes everything. Listening to it is one thing and it can lift my mood almost instantly, and singing truly nourishes my soul. Sing — anywhere, anytime. Help your immune system and actually change your brain by singing. Just sing.

And plunk in your favorite CD right when you get home from work. Dance around in the kitchen while you prepare dinner. Let music be the medicine of choice.

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