“If you admire greatness in another human being, it is your own greatness you are seeing. [...] If you did not possess that quality you would not be attracted by it.”
— Debbie Ford

I have been writing a lot about how the non-positive focuses in our life tend to show us the less than complementary attributes of our personality and our life. We must also remember the opposite of all that works as well, and sometimes even more powerfully.

For example, when you think of someone you admire, all the positive things you attribute to that person are within you as well. If you admire Oprah because she is so influential, it is because there is something about you that helps to influence others. If you like Martha Stewart because she continues to go strong in her business despite all her past challenges, it is because you too are strong in the face of a challenge.

So keep thinking about all the people you admire in your life, see their beauty, because it is truly a reflection of what is admirable in you as well.

“If something can be changed, work to change it. If it cannot, why
worry, be upset, or complain?” — Shantideva, Guide to the Bodhisattva’s Way of Life

I used to walk my kids to school almost everyday. And on the way back home I would usually find one of the other mom’s to chat with about the day to day stuff of moms, and our community, etc. When I got back today, I realized almost our entire conversation revolved around all the things we didn’t like, the things that were going wrong, the things that bugged us. It actually felt funny to say as we parted, “Have a nice day!” since we just had so much negativity in the air a few seconds before.

It was an eye opener for me. How easy it is to allow yourself to think and talk negatively, even in simple day to day social situations. And when we remember that we attract more of what we focus on, it really brings the reality of our harmless idle chit-chat home. And what was important for me to realize is that even though I feel that I am a positive person most of the time, it is easy to slide into the less positive words of others in social situations.

So, let’s remember this wise advice when the urge arises to complain: If something can be changed, let’s work to change it. And if you need to discuss less than happy or good situations, find ways to do it that focus on the positive changes that can be made, not just the complaints for the sake of complaining.

“The more you are liked — or the higher your likeability factor — the happier your life will be.”
— Tim Sanders

Tim Sanders calls this the likeability factor. I would also call it the Law of Attraction. But whatever you want to call it, I believe that it will make your life happier. His book shows you how to raise your likeability factor by teaching you how to boost four critical elements of your personality:

• Friendliness: your ability to communicate liking and openness to others
• Relevance: your capacity to connect with others’ interests, wants, and needs
• Empathy: your ability to recognize, acknowledge, and experience other people’s feelings
• Realness: the integrity that stands behind your likeability and guarantees its authenticity

When people like you because you are friendly, you can connect on their terms, you relate to what they are experiencing, and you live authentically, you tend to attract more people like you in your life.

“All blame is a waste of time. No matter how much fault you find with another, and regardless of how much you blame him, it will not change you.

The only thing blame does is to keep the focus off you when you are looking for external reasons to explain your unhappiness or frustration. You may succeed in making another feel guilty about something by blaming him, but you won’t succeed in changing whatever it is about you that is making you unhappy.”
— Wayne Dyer

Often blame is a convenient way to distract oneself from looking at the root of the situations at hand. However, it also tends to make a victim of yourself by placing your life in the hands of others.

Take control of your life and your emotions by granting forgiveness to those that have hurt you. Focus on understanding the lesson that may have come with that challenging situation. This will allow you to truly change your life and your life circumstances.

“Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos into order, confusion into clarity…. It turns problems into gifts, failures into success, the unexpected into perfect timing, and mistakes into important events. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today and creates a vision for tomorrow.”
— Melodie Beattie

Wow! The power of gratitude. Here’s a fun way to remember to be grateful everyday and to unleash this power for your life: Make a nice box, decorate it as you wish, or just buy one that you really like. Write little notes about all the things you are grateful for in your life and put them in this beautiful box. Now, everyday — you pick a time that works best for you — pull them out and think about each and every one of them with love and gratitude. Really feel each one.

Once you get the hang of doing it for the things in your life that you already have, throw in some things that you want to have in your life and feel the same feelings of gratitude. See what happens.

“The Law of Belief states that whatever you believe with emotion becomes your reality.”
— Brian Tracy

Your beliefs control your realities. You can see that a person acts in a manner consistent with their inner beliefs and convictions. You can understand what you or anyone else believes by looking at what they do. It is not what a person says, or hopes, or writes, or wishes that is a clear indication of his beliefs; it is only their actions.

There are things you can do immediately to use this law for your benefit. Create in yourself the beliefs you most desire — the beliefs that serve you the best. Meaning, if you want to be healthy — act healthy, talk about how healthy you are, think how wonderful it is to be healthy, and most importantly FEEL the feelings of being healthy.

Your behavior will build your belief system and will become your reality. This works with anything and everything you most desire — relationships, money, careers. You name it, believe it, act on it, and FEEL it.

“Know what you want to do, hold the thought firmly, and do every day what should be done, and every sunset will see you that much nearer to your goal.”
— Elbert Hubbard

It may seem like a simple question, “What do you want?”, but have you really sat down and figured out exactly what you want for your life? Sometimes when this question is asked, I hear a lot of what people don’t want: “I don’t want to be in debt, I don’t want to have a cheating spouse, I don’t want an apartment with cockroaches, I don’t want a lousy job, I don’t want to be fat, I don’t want to be shy”, etc.

But that doesn’t tell me what you want! If you don’t know what you want, how are you supposed to know how to get it? You want to be wealthy, you want a faithful spouse, you want a clean apartment, you want a good job, you want to be in shape, you want to be outgoing, etc.

Take a moment and really figure this one out. Go all out and make it your big dream. Make sure you are writing out what you want and not the don’t wants. Then if you want to have some creative fun, do a vision board. Simply find pictures to cut and paste onto a board that give you a visual picture of exactly what you want in your life. I found it really clarifies my quest and gives me something to focus on when I wonder “What am I doing all this for?”

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.  Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure… We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? Actually who are you not to be?”
— Marianne Williamson

Ah, that oh so familiar voice of low self-esteem. I am happy it no longer lives with me full-time. But it is funny how I still can hear its echo calling from whatever cave I threw it in years ago — “Who are you to be amazing?” it shouts out hoping to be heard.

It holds me back for a moment or two. That slight hesitation when someone asks me to present something to their group because they value what I have to say. Or the slight disbelief when someone offers me a compliment. But then, I come back to who I am and I say “Thank you” because I realize I am amazing.

When you hear me say that about myself, is there a voice in you saying — “Who does she think she is?” Realize that is your own voice of low self-esteem that is projecting your self-doubts onto me. It doesn’t want you to realize that you too are amazing and powerful because you might lock that little voice away one day for good as well.

“You have to make darn sure not to put yourself in the proximity of complainers. If you absolutely have to be nearby, make sure you bring a steel umbrella or the crap meant for them will get you too!”
— Harv Eker, Secrets of the Millionaire Mind

You know the saying, misery likes company? And by now, we understand that what we focus on expands. So if we are around people who complain a lot, then what they are attracting into their lives may spread to yours if you let it affect you.

There was a person in my life like that, and each time we spoke, I came away feeling really drained and found myself getting really aggravated by the littlest things she would say. I couldn’t figure it out at first, but then I realized she was always complaining to me about how miserable her life is, and how horrible her childhood was. I would do my best to give her some empowering guidance or simply a sympathetic ear. But the story never changed. Instead of me helping her feel better, her negative energy was far stronger (and more rehearsed) so it ended up bringing my energy closer to her lower level.

Even though it is our intention to help, sometimes it is better for everyone to simply stay away from miserable people — at least the ones who have no intention (subconsciously perhaps) of ever changing for the better. This can be tricky to do if you are in a profession that is out to help people in this state. And I am not suggesting that we abandon the souls in need. However, make sure you have your energy shields up to protect you from these misfortune magnets.

“You see, in life, lots of people know what to do, but few people actually do what they know. Knowing is not enough! You must take action.”
— Tony Robbins

For many years this was the way it was for me. I would read all these fantastic books on spirituality, health, wellness, etc. The academic in me would take it all in and I could happily report that I had read all these authors with their important messages of personal growth.

So why was my life such a mess? I knew it all, right?

Well, first off, I don’t believe we will ever truly know it all. There is so much to know out there. And it is constantly evolving. And secondly, I didn’t actually know this stuff since I wasn’t actually living it.

Get off the knowledge junkie path and start taking action with all the knowledge you have built up in your life. I do believe we have the knowledge inside each and everyone of us for living to our highest potential if we would just do what we already know.