“When I look back on all these worries, I remember the story of the old man who said on his deathbed that he had had a lot of trouble in his life, most of which had never happened”
— Winston Churchill

I just finished writing to my step-daughter about worrying. She is in the middle of a worry-fest and I needed to help her release her fears around the situation. Why?

First because she doesn’t even know what she is dealing with, and therefore she is expending a lot of energy on something that she can’t even put a real name to, let alone do anything about right now. Secondly, because she is such a busy person that it is a complete waste of her time to focus any of her thoughts into such an unknown territory. As this anonymous quote points out well, “Worry is like a rocking chair—it gives you something to do but it doesn’t get you anywhere.” And she has plenty of better things to do and bigger places to go.

So my advice for those who fall into the common habit of worry; keep living and solve the issues when they come up, because if they aren’t real enough to fix right now, they may not exist at all.

“We must not, in trying to think about how we can make a big difference, ignore the small daily differences we can make which, over time, add up to big differences that we often cannot foresee.” — Marian Wright-Edelman

Call it baby-steps, Kaizen theory, day by day. You name it. What it adds up to is change. It may not seem it at first… and it shouldn’t if you are taking it slowly and steadily. But it does make a more lasting impression on your lifestyle and mind. And it actively creates permanent, positive change in your life.

“For most folks, no news is good news; for the press, good news is not news.”
— Gloria Borger

Turn on the TV and watch the news and what will you see? Most likely you will get a recap of the days violence in your city and around the world. OK, now read the paper. What do you get there? More violence, fraud, and negativity most likely, focusing primarily on informing us of things to fear in life.

It’s no wonder that with all these negative images and stories that we find ourselves focusing on the negative things in our lives as well. This also can help to escalate the fear-based reactions in our day to day living.

What if we were to focus on not only surrounding ourselves with positive people, but positive news as well? Imagine we would celebrate together as a society all the good things that are happening in our city and around the world. Maybe we would be building up the positive energy in our minds to the point where it would be spreading faster than the negative energy?

Spread the positive energy by surrounding yourself with happy news and stories. And then tell others of these happy events as well. Here’s a web site with just happy news for your fun and enjoyment: Happy News

“Appreciation is a powerful tool to shift perspective. Finding something to appreciate during a difficult situation quickly moves the perspective to the big picture from the little picture.”
— Doc Childre and Bruce Cryer, From Chaos to Coherence

What do you have to appreciate in your life right now? During the challenging moments in our life, learning to shift perspective can be the true key to your present and future happiness and success.

In our daily bustle and routine, we may slip into a state of complaint or pity. And it is when we allow our focus to remain on the difficult situations that the pain and challenge seems to amplify.

Allow yourself to find something good in the picture and allow that to grow instead. As you get the benefit of both perspectives you will learn to be consistently thankful and approving, and your life will subsequently grow in value. (more…)

“Nothing splendid has ever been achieved except by those who dared believe that something inside of them was superior to circumstance.”
— Bruce Barton

There are different moments during the year or the month or even the week that seem particularly busy to me. Sometimes I would even use the term overwhelming. However, I am doing my best to not use that particular term, because I find myself feeling worse when I allow my mind to “feel overwhelmed”. Next thing you know I am using words like “burnt out”, “exhausted”, too tired” and the snowball effect has happened yet again.

My new tactic during the busier periods of my life is allowing myself to expand my energy to be able to handle all that comes my way. It all goes back to the Law of Attraction — if I panic when things seem to get busier or move faster than I can manage, I will only be attracting more things to get worked up over. On the other side of the coin, when I allow myself to believe I can handle it all, despite the apparent circumstances, I will succeed. Remember, focus on the desired outcome — avoid focusing on what you don’t want.

Imagine being happy and balanced and successful no matter what is going on in your life. Even when things don’t appear well on the outside, or when circumstances outside your control happen to you, feeling well and balanced on the inside will make all the difference in your life.

We are finally back home, and after allowing myself a “comatose” day, I am back in the office and back to writing (even if I still feel comatose!). After my week away, and after listening to some very inspirational speakers at the Rules for Renegades Summit in Irvine, California, I realized it is time for my self check-up.

What’s that, you ask? This year is nearly half over. You may not want to think about it but this is the perfect time to take stock of how far you’ve come and to consider what lays ahead. Yup. I am serious.

If you have made any personal or professional commitments, have you been keeping track of where you are now? How much closer to your goal(s) have you come?

Remember, this is not a time to panic or get down if things are not looking the way you sketched it out in your plan yet. It is a time to realize that you need to take bigger steps, keep your promises to yourself, and respect and love yourself enough to do what you really, really want to do — now!

And if you haven’t made any personal commitments and goals yet, there is no better day than today!

“People often say that this or that person has not yet found himself. But the self is not something one finds, it is something one creates.”
— Thomas Szasz

I’ve been reading and studying the best ways to improve my life, to live to my highest potential. So how have I been doing? Honestly? It’s still a challenge. There are still many things that I am constantly having to reread, remind, rework, and redo. Some days I am flying high and I am certain that nothing can slow me down and then, wham! Someone pushes an old “hot button” on me and I lose the balance and insight that have kept me on track.

However, I know that it is ok. I’m still doing well overall. I know that I am on a path of learning and self-discovery and part of that learning and discovery is finding out what still needs work.

Believe in yourself even when you may slip off the path for a moment. Put all that you have learned into practice again and bring it to life through your days. Every moment, even the off ones, are moments to learn and grow and create your life.

“Life is an adventure in forgiveness.”
— Norman Cousins (1912-1990)

If I were to ask you to remember a past event that caused some sort of negative emotion for you, how would you feel about talking about it? Would you feel all the negative emotions filling up your brain and your heart? Do you begin to feel the sadness, the anger, the frustration of that event even though you are completely removed from that moment in time? It’s almost like the past is reliving itself all over again just by talking about it.

So why is it that so many of us insist on talking about our painful past events, digging up minute details, and allowing ourselves to be caught up in all that emotion all over again? What is to be gained? What is to be improved doing this over and over again with no resolution in sight?

It is my firm belief that you do not have to keep talking about the past in order to work out the issues associated with it. I call it active forgetting. We all know that these types of events don’t just disappear from our memories, even if we don’t talk about them everyday. They are part of who we are. So let us start by understanding and accepting that we have not forgotten and therefore we do not need to refresh our memories by talking about them.

However, in my day to day life, I will not allow myself to be a victim of my past. I will however, actively use that marker as a learning tool, a silent reminder that I use as a clear guide as to what I want my life to be like. I am focused on the now and fill my life with positive energy and love. Therefore, if I don’t want to feel those negative emotions anymore, it is key to not rehash the old events. Focus on present day issues.

I do remember, I do forgive, and I live a life of love from now onward.

“The value of compassion cannot be over-emphasized. Anyone can criticize. It takes a true believer to be compassionate. No greater burden can be borne by an individual than to know no one cares or understands.”
— Arthur H. Stainback

When we think of being compassionate, it often relates to people that we already care about or situations we can understand through personal experience. Perhaps we also can extend compassion for those we see suffering in ways we have never known personally, but we feel they don’t deserve it.

But what about compassion for those we don’t like. Or for things we think are inherently “bad”? Do they not deserve compassion as well? If we hear a little voice saying things like, “They deserved it anyway”; Or “She wasn’t a nice person, so she brought it on herself”; take a step back and see if you can find a new angle on the situation.

Compassion comes also from finding value in things that we may judge or criticize as bad and accepting them for that newly found value. There is something good in all people and all things. That is part of the balance of the universe. Compassion does not mean condoning “bad” things. It means accepting and understanding that there is good in there as well.

“It is wise to direct your anger towards problems — not people; to focus your energies on answers — not excuses.”
— William Arthur Ward

Sometimes the saying, “Old habits are hard to break” is truer than you can or want to believe. You promised yourself that you were going to change your ways, not fall into the same traps. But here it comes again and you just can’t seem to stop it from happening.

Give yourself a break. We all know that it’s not easy to change. Especially when you have been doing something one way for so long — for some it might even be a lifetime. Coming down on yourself with blame and self-loathing will not help the situation, and will more likely reinforce whatever negative, fear-based pattern you were trying to change in the first place.

When this happens, it is important that you recognize the old patterns. Catch yourself, even in mid-flight. Then do something new. Do not let it continue or end like it always did before. Throw yourself a curve and before long your habits won’t know what to expect the next time they try to creep up into your life.