“When I look back on all these worries, I remember the story of the old man who said on his deathbed that he had had a lot of trouble in his life, most of which had never happened”
— Winston Churchill

I dug up this old quote because I keep hearing so much about fears these days. A lot of people are in the middle of a worry-fest and really need to release their fears around the situation. Why?

First because we don’t even know what we are dealing with yet, and therefore worrying is expending a lot of energy on something that we can’t even put a real name to, let alone do anything about right now. Secondly, it is a complete waste of her time to focus any of our thoughts into such an unknown territory. As this anonymous quote points out well, “Worry is like a rocking chair—it gives you something to do but it doesn’t get you anywhere.” And we all have plenty of better things to do and bigger places to go. Remember, “energy flows where your attention goes”. If you focus on negative outcomes (worry) you will attract negative outcomes. If you focus on solutions, you will attract solutions.

So my advice for those who fall into the common habit of worry; keep living and solve the issues when they come up, because if they aren’t real enough to fix right now, they may not exist at all.

“Trust yourself. You know more than you think you do.”
— Benjamin Spock

Instinct is a powerful thing in life, in relationships, in business, in friendships, in making decisions, etc. I can remember well the times that I heard my intuition screaming and still chose to not listen. But even then, I had some great lessons in life taught in some very powerful ways.

Nonetheless, start believing in yourself. And start believing in your decisions. You will not always get it right, but that only shows that you are human, so that’s fine. Most of the time, you will make the right decisions if you listen to your instincts.

Trust yourself. You are your best friend, your best counsellor, and your best guide.

“Whatever you are doing, love yourself for doing it. Whatever you are feeling, love yourself for feeling it.”
— Thaddeus Golas

Have you checked in lately with your higher self? It’s always good to take some time to see where you are at with your self-esteem, self-worth, self-confidence every now and then.

Do you owe yourself some praise for some good work accomplished? How about some understanding for a few set-backs? Anything left in the corners hiding that your higher self would like you to notice and bring to the forefront?

One great way to get in touch with your higher self is to meditate. Daily is optimal, but even if you take the opportunity when it comes you way to clear you mind you will be pleased to here the messages that come your way. Another good way to check in is to go with your gut; anything that intuitively bothers you may be an indication that there is some focus needed in that part of your life.

“You will find, as you look back upon your life, that the moments that stand out are the moments when you have done things for others.”
— Henry Drummond (1851-1897)

How easy it is to fall into the trap of seeing the world only through our eyes. Our stories seem to take over and even the slightest annoyances take so much of our energy that we forget that there is a bigger picture going on around us.

One quick and easy way to bring back a more worldly viewpoint to your life is to take some time every day, or every week, or even every month, to serve others.

What does that mean? Well, you could volunteer your time to a worthwhile charity or cause. What about helping your family with their tasks without being asked? Maybe pick one thing that you do that you know annoys someone close to you and take a week to consciously avoid doing it?

It doesn’t matter what it is, what matters is that you move your focus toward the bigger picture and bring a fresh perspective into your old stories. And you may find that you have so much fun serving others you won’t bother to go back to your old ways.

“Be miserable. Or motivate yourself. Whatever has to be done, it’s always your choice.”
— Wayne Dyer

As I note my day-to-day moods, I have to come to the conclusion that this quote is very true. When I am miserable, I hear this conversation with myself actually deciding whether or not I want to stay that way a little longer, or to just shake it off and move along to something better.

I was miserable one moment, then the next I wasn’t. Did my circumstances change? Nope. Only my attitude about them did. And funny enough, because my attitude changed, the problems that I labeled the cause of my misery also seemed to change somehow. They suddenly seemed lighter, less important. Or at least other things seemed more important.

I have now begun to focus on positive constructive ways to alleviate the situation that was bringing me down. That was my choice.

“You know what makes my problems bigger then everyone else’s? They’re mine.”
— Fictional character of the sitcom “Ally McBeal”

Ah, the lure of our story. The drama of our challenges. If only you could have heard the stuff going on in my head at 3 a.m. while I was doing my best to meditate myself to sleep for at least a couple of hours last night.

And it seems, no matter how much I know all the advice and I live my advice, nothing I could consciously and logically tell myself last night seemed to tame the inner voice, my ego running on fear.

Thankfully, I have a very good life coach who today helped me to see that I was just being overly critical of myself and that I simply didn’t let myself recuperate from some very challenging situations these past weeks.

So the moral of “my story” is that everyone will have problems pop up in life. That is what life is about. Remember to be bigger than your problem, deal with it, and allow yourself the time to heal. Then keep going. Move forward. Take over the captain’s chair from your ego that wants to keep you moving slowly and cautiously even in the best of weather.

I think I am ready for a good night’s sleep tonight.

“Resentment or grudges do no harm to the person against whom you hold these feelings but every day and every night of your life, they are eating at you.”
— Norman Vincent Peale

I was asked the other day, what is the one thing that I would rank as the most important thing for personal growth. Easily and instinctively I said, “Forgiveness”.

When I look at the world, when I talk to my friends and neighbors, the majority of the time I can hear situations where grudges, resentment, anger, and even hatred rule their lives more than they even realize.

Some ask, why should you forgive if someone has deliberately harmed you? Take a look at what non-forgiveness does to your life and you won’t need to ask. I have a friend who says there is barely a minute of the day that goes by where he isn’t thinking about how much he was hurt. Then there are the sleepless nights and nightmares that haunt as well.

Why put yourself through that? Aren’t you worth more than that? How much more would you be able to accomplish if you could free your mind of those negative, resentful thoughts. How much better you would feel if you could get a good night’s sleep.

Therefore, forgiveness is really simply an act of self-love.

“Happiness depends upon ourselves.”
— Aristotle (384 BC - 322 BC)

Here are a few ideas to supercharge your life:

* Focus on what you WILL do, not what you can’t do.
* Prioritize. Be proactive by putting first things first.
* Purposefully act, don’t react.
* Face difficulties with courage.
* Be willing to make mistakes, learn from them and move on.
* To prevent being overwhelmed, ask yourself: ‘What one thing am I willing to do differently today?’
* Communicate with positive language. Watch your thoughts and patterns of inner talk, and listen to yourself when talking to others.
* Teach and lead by example.
* Spend time with people you admire.
* Be bigger than your story
* If you feel yourself getting into victim mode, ask yourself what the payoff is.
* Feel and own your personal power. Know that you do have a choice.
* Celebrate your results!

“If you admire greatness in another human being, it is your own greatness you are seeing. [...] If you did not possess that quality you would not be attracted by it.”
— Debbie Ford

I have been writing a lot about how the non-positive focuses in our life tend to show us the less than complementary attributes of our personality and our life. We must also remember the opposite of all that works as well, and sometimes even more powerfully.

For example, when you think of someone you admire, all the positive things you attribute to that person are within you as well. If you admire Oprah because she is so influential, it is because there is something about you that helps to influence others. If you like Martha Stewart because she continues to go strong in her business despite all her past challenges, it is because you too are strong in the face of a challenge.

So keep thinking about all the people you admire in your life, see their beauty, because it is truly a reflection of what is admirable in you as well.

“If something can be changed, work to change it. If it cannot, why
worry, be upset, or complain?” — Shantideva, Guide to the Bodhisattva’s Way of Life

I used to walk my kids to school almost everyday. And on the way back home I would usually find one of the other mom’s to chat with about the day to day stuff of moms, and our community, etc. When I got back today, I realized almost our entire conversation revolved around all the things we didn’t like, the things that were going wrong, the things that bugged us. It actually felt funny to say as we parted, “Have a nice day!” since we just had so much negativity in the air a few seconds before.

It was an eye opener for me. How easy it is to allow yourself to think and talk negatively, even in simple day to day social situations. And when we remember that we attract more of what we focus on, it really brings the reality of our harmless idle chit-chat home. And what was important for me to realize is that even though I feel that I am a positive person most of the time, it is easy to slide into the less positive words of others in social situations.

So, let’s remember this wise advice when the urge arises to complain: If something can be changed, let’s work to change it. And if you need to discuss less than happy or good situations, find ways to do it that focus on the positive changes that can be made, not just the complaints for the sake of complaining.