Find what can be changed

“If something can be changed, work to change it. If it cannot, why
worry, be upset, or complain?” — Shantideva, Guide to the Bodhisattva’s Way of Life

I used to walk my kids to school almost everyday. And on the way back home I would usually find one of the other mom’s to chat with about the day to day stuff of moms, and our community, etc. When I got back today, I realized almost our entire conversation revolved around all the things we didn’t like, the things that were going wrong, the things that bugged us. It actually felt funny to say as we parted, “Have a nice day!” since we just had so much negativity in the air a few seconds before.

It was an eye opener for me. How easy it is to allow yourself to think and talk negatively, even in simple day to day social situations. And when we remember that we attract more of what we focus on, it really brings the reality of our harmless idle chit-chat home. And what was important for me to realize is that even though I feel that I am a positive person most of the time, it is easy to slide into the less positive words of others in social situations.

So, let’s remember this wise advice when the urge arises to complain: If something can be changed, let’s work to change it. And if you need to discuss less than happy or good situations, find ways to do it that focus on the positive changes that can be made, not just the complaints for the sake of complaining.

Do something new

“It is wise to direct your anger towards problems — not people; to focus your energies on answers — not excuses.”
— William Arthur Ward

Sometimes the saying, “Old habits are hard to break” is truer than you can or want to believe. You promised yourself that you were going to change your ways, not fall into the same traps. But here it comes again and you just can’t seem to stop it from happening.

Give yourself a break. We all know that it’s not easy to change. Especially when you have been doing something one way for so long — for some it might even be a lifetime. Coming down on yourself with blame and self-loathing will not help the situation, and will more likely reinforce whatever negative, fear-based pattern you were trying to change in the first place.

When this happens, it is important that you recognize the old patterns. Catch yourself, even in mid-flight. Then do something new. Do not let it continue or end like it always did before. Throw yourself a curve and before long your habits won’t know what to expect the next time they try to creep up into your life.

Life is more important than fear

“Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear.”
— Ambrose Redmoon

Through conversations with friends and family I have seen first-hand what fear-based thoughts can do to hold us back from living to our fullest. Whether it is a financial situation that weighs heavily on us, or a relationship that is struggling, it seems that most of the road blocks in the way are actually imaginary scenarios on which they are placing an enormous amount of importance.

Have the courage to see beyond your fears to a life that is exactly as you might describe in an ideal scenario. When we let our imaginations rule our minds with all the negative possibilities, it is not easy to see the brighter more positive side to it all. Have courage to live a life that is more important than all the difficulties our fear has created in our minds. Real life is more important than fear.

Successful people have fears, they simply walk through them to arrive at their dreams.