What about loving our children?

“Loving our children isn’t always enough. Learning to speak their love language communicates your love in ways they’ll understand right from the start.”
— Gary Chapman

How do we express our love for our children? Often we confuse our communication styles and the “love” message can get misunderstood by our ever-independence-seeking children (and they might not know how to show they love us either).

Learning to show your love in the ways that each unique and individual child understands love will give you that ever-illusive peace in the family.

One friend of mine started understanding how to finally explain to his children that helping around the house was THE way to show him they loved him (acts of service). Now the boys do their chores with ease because they know it is a quick and easy way to say “Hey dad, I love you.” And after talking it over with his boys, dad now knows that for one boy, it’s plenty of hugging and for the other it’s verbal praise.

Five languages of love

“Being sincere is not enough. We must be willing to learn our spouse’s primary love language if we are to be effective communicators of love.”
— Gary Chapman

It seems to come back to communication. In our relationships, we may have the best of sincerity, but if we are communicating in a way that is not understood by the other person, the message becomes lost.

And once again, it comes back to asking the right questions: How do you like others to show that they love you? And what shows love for them? And the funny thing is, they could be completely different things expressed in completely different ways.

So if you want to show your spouse that you love them, you have to ask what makes them feel loved. Is it hugs and kisses? Is it helping out with the housework? Is it a surprise gift every now and then? Is it hearing that they are special and loved by you? Is it taking some time out of your busy day to just be there? And then they need to know what works for you.

Take the 30 second test at http://www.fivelovelanguages.com/30sec.html and find out if you and your spouse are speaking the same love language?

Make the first move

“Feeling grateful to or appreciative of someone or something in your life actually attracts more of the things that you appreciate and value into your life.”
— Christiane Northrup, M.D.

We say we want love, yet we are afraid to give love for fear of getting hurt. We say we want friendship, but we forget to be kind to those around us. Personal relationships are as important to us as the air we breathe. We all need friends, lovers, companions, people with whom we can share our joys, sorrows, fears, and successes.

These relationships help us grow at our deepest levels and yet often we remain distant and detached from one another, unable or unwilling to reach out and make meaningful contact. We need to take the risk and explore the possibilities that exist in human interaction. Make the first move. Treat others the way you want to be treated and you will find that like will attract like.

How does true love work?

“The course of true love does not run smooth.”— Unknown

I don’t know where I first got the idea that true love was supposed to be some wonderfully “perfect” thing. All happy, never arguing, hugs and kisses, day in and day out.

But I know that those concepts were all conceived before I actually fell in love with anyone. And certainly way before I experienced the actual course of love — up and down, zig and zag. And also straight, calm, and flat thrown in there too.

Could this possibly be love if it is not always up? Absolutely. Could it possibly be love if it feels like it is going down more often than not? Absolutely. And what about the not-so-exciting normal days? That too can be all about love.

There is no “one way” of true love. And sometimes, the deepest love often can grow out of a bumpier ride. Because you learn to hang on even when it feels like you are going to be thrown right off the tracks.

Keep It Simple

“As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler; solitude will not be solitude, poverty will not be poverty, nor weakness weakness.”
— Henry David Thoreau

We all have goals, whether we formally write them down or we just have certain standards we want to live up to each day. And that is what it’s all about, right? Keep growing, keep learning with each new goal we tack on to our list.

But how easy are we making it for ourselves with these goals we keep adding on? Are they attainable goals? Are they even our goals (v.s. things others expect us to achieve and so we take on as ours)?

It’s good to review our goals every now and then to see where we are at with them. Some may already be ready to come off the list because we have accomplished them. Others, we may want to drop off because they are no longer relevant due to other life changes that have occurred along the way. And some should be scaled back - made simpler.

For example, if you decided at some point in your life that you should “love” everyone in your life, perhaps you have found that it is not as easy as you would like. Maybe “love” is too powerful a word at this stage. Scale it back a little to start with. Be “kind” to everyone in your life is simpler to accomplish. You don’t need to “love” someone to be kind to them. But kindness is an act of love. So you have just made your life easier and you are accomplishing your goals. And that is what counts.

Give the gift of love

“We are not held back by the love we didn’t receive in the past, but by the love we’re not extending in the present.”
— Marianne Williamson

I don’t know anyone that doesn’t love to be loved. It gives us a wonderful sense of belonging, of being needed, and of being appreciated. But if someone doesn’t love us, does that mean that we don’t belong, or are not needed, or are not worthy of appreciation. Of course not.

We are all naturally worthy no matter what. It is our inherent gift that we can tap into at our core. We may not have received love by everyone in the past, but that doesn’t mean you need to hold back from giving it out now. The universe has a funny way of giving you more of what you give out.

No matter what your past love stories are, now is the moment to give love to all those around you. This is the easiest and most precious gift you can give.

Listen to your feelings

“Our feelings are our most genuine paths to knowledge.”
— Audre Lorde

Our feelings are the base of our human experiences in life. Feelings tend to come first, and they then result in a corresponding reaction. With this new awareness, we can begin a new understanding of our life and we can see the cause and effect relationship between our feelings and what we subsequently create in our life.

It would be wise, therefore, to choose what we keep in our hearts with the same care that we choose what we say and do in our lives. If we want to have less conflict, fear, stress, and depression, then deep within our hearts those more desirable emotions must be truly present in order to manifest that reality.

The most important feeling we all need to experience more is love. In order to accomplish this, we can simply include more loving feelings in our life. However, remember that feeling more love does not always mean only to act it out on occassion, but rather to always have it in our hearts and minds.

Make it simple

“As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler; solitude will not be solitude, poverty will not be poverty, nor weakness weakness.”
— Henry David Thoreau

We all have goals, whether we formally write them down or we just have certain standards we want to live up to each day. And that is what it’s all about, right? Keep growing, keep learning with each new goal we tack on to our list.

But how easy are we making it for ourselves with these goals we keep adding on? Are they attainable goals? Are they even our goals (v.s. things others expect us to achieve and so we take on as ours)?

It’s good to review our goals every now and then to see where we are at with them. Some may already be ready to come off the list because we have accomplished them. Others, we may want to drop off because they are no longer relevant due to other life changes that have occurred along the way. And some should be scaled back - made simpler.

For example, if you decided at some point in your life that you should “love” everyone in your life, perhaps you have found that it is not as easy as you would like. Maybe “love” is too powerful a word at this stage. Scale it back a little to start with. Be “kind” to everyone in your life is simpler to accomplish. You don’t need to “love” someone to be kind to them. But kindness is an act of love. So you have just made your life easier and you are accomplishing your goals. And that is what counts.

We are all one

“Love is the greatest refreshment in life.” — Pablo Picasso

Valentine’s Day can bring a big mix of emotions. Some people love this day because they get to be lavished with tokens of affection or they get to lavish someone they care about with some special gesture. Then there are those who have lost their loved ones and feel sadness over missing them. What about those in relationships that have lost their “love” for one another? And still there are those who are not in relationships that may have indifference or even bitterness on this day made for “lovers”.

I’d like to give one more way to experience this day no matter what your relationship situation is like. Realize that we are all one and we are always connected. The Native Americans call this permanent connectedness “Mitakuye Oyasin”.

With this powerful thought, we can enjoy feeling loved and giving love no matter what label we have assigned to our relationships. We can also enjoy feeling love by bringing back our cell memories of love that we have experienced in the past (yes, our cells remember everything!). Take a deep breath and connect to a time where you were filled with love and feel it completely. This will shift your energy immediately and you will actually attract more of this “love” vibration into your life right now in the present moment.

Practice gratitude for all that is wonderful about your life and enjoy Valentine’s Day exactly as it is and you will feel good — guaranteed.

A special word picture about LOVE

I had a little fun creating a word picture about love just in time for Valentine’s Day… I hope you like it.

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