Five languages of love

“Being sincere is not enough. We must be willing to learn our spouse’s primary love language if we are to be effective communicators of love.”
— Gary Chapman

It seems to come back to communication. In our relationships, we may have the best of sincerity, but if we are communicating in a way that is not understood by the other person, the message becomes lost.

And once again, it comes back to asking the right questions: How do you like others to show that they love you? And what shows love for them? And the funny thing is, they could be completely different things expressed in completely different ways.

So if you want to show your spouse that you love them, you have to ask what makes them feel loved. Is it hugs and kisses? Is it helping out with the housework? Is it a surprise gift every now and then? Is it hearing that they are special and loved by you? Is it taking some time out of your busy day to just be there? And then they need to know what works for you.

Take the 30 second test at http://www.fivelovelanguages.com/30sec.html and find out if you and your spouse are speaking the same love language?

City of Angels

“When the mind withdraws into itself and dispenses with facts it makes only chaos.”
— Edith Hamilton

I watched a movie the other night that was very touching and inspiring — City of Angels. It gave an interpretation of how angels interact with us here on Earth. There were two main messages that I received: Even if we can’t see them, angels are here with us at all times to help us through our challenges if we just listen; Even though we might receive guidance and inspiration from our angels, we have free will and therefore it is up to us to choose what we do in the end.

In the midst of a challenging situation or a crisis, it is often more difficult to translate which thought is our own and which is inspired. And often when we are not in a healthy state of mind, it is far easier to listen to the madness of our egos than the simplicity of our angels. But I urge you to try to distinguish between the two. Listen to the guidance not the chaos. Help is there for our taking. Clarity and direction will be given if asked.

BTW: City of Angels is one of my favorite movies!

Recharging your body, mind, and soul

“Climb the mountains and get their good tidings. Nature’s peace will flow into you as sunshine flows into trees. The winds will blow their own freshness into you, and the storms their energy, while cares will drop away from you like the leaves of Autumn.”
— John Muir (1838-1914)

Most of the people I know would agree with me when I mention that getting away from the city and surrounding oneself with nature is one of the best ways to recharge the body, mind, and soul. It is my best prescription for relief of everyday stress.

But also, just like most people I know, it isn’t always that easy to get away to recharge as often as I would like. So my solution is to take mini nature breaks by just getting outside for walks around the block soaking up as much “fresh” air as possible, and looking at the well-thought out gardens along the way.

Just a little bit of nature everyday can help to balance out the surge of technology that we are faced with most days. Treat yourself with a daily dose of nature — walk, look out the window, or even get a few plants in your office space. It doesn’t take much, but it will have wonderful benefits for your body, mind, and soul in the long run.

And on the more serious side of things — we are quickly forgetting as a society the importance of nature with our energetic balance. More and more children are plopping themselves in front of digital media to experience life, when they really would benefit from running around in a forest.

Here are some books on the importance of aligning yourself and your children with nature again.

Honor your emotions, don’t dwell on them

“In dealing with emotions, the first step is awareness. Identify the emotion, but don’t identify with the emotion.”
— Stephanie Noble, “Emotions as Honored Guests”

How do you deal with your emotions? Do you let them overwhelm you, giving them added energy? Do you try to ignore them, forcing them to get your attention by whatever means possible?

Emotions are a normal, natural part of being human. Each emotion you feel — happiness, joy, love, frustration, anger, sadness — is trying to convey a message to you and has a purpose for your present journey. In order to learn from them, you must honor them enough to acknowledge their presence. However, it is important to realize that you don’t need to become the emotion in order to understand it.

My personal technique to deal with the more negative emotions is to become aware of the exact emotion I am experiencing. I allow myself to feel it. I allow myself to understand where it is coming from. And then I quietly say to myself, “release”, to keep the emotion in motion and out of my being (emotion = energy in motion).

Be the neutral observer to your own emotions and you will neither let it take over your life right then and there nor later when it ends up boiling over from years of neglect. Deal with each individual emotion until you understand why it has come to you at this time. You don’t need to be a victim or hostage to your emotions any longer. And you will probably surprise yourself at the wisdom your emotions hold.

How does true love work?

“The course of true love does not run smooth.”— Unknown

I don’t know where I first got the idea that true love was supposed to be some wonderfully “perfect” thing. All happy, never arguing, hugs and kisses, day in and day out.

But I know that those concepts were all conceived before I actually fell in love with anyone. And certainly way before I experienced the actual course of love — up and down, zig and zag. And also straight, calm, and flat thrown in there too.

Could this possibly be love if it is not always up? Absolutely. Could it possibly be love if it feels like it is going down more often than not? Absolutely. And what about the not-so-exciting normal days? That too can be all about love.

There is no “one way” of true love. And sometimes, the deepest love often can grow out of a bumpier ride. Because you learn to hang on even when it feels like you are going to be thrown right off the tracks.

Keep It Simple

“As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler; solitude will not be solitude, poverty will not be poverty, nor weakness weakness.”
— Henry David Thoreau

We all have goals, whether we formally write them down or we just have certain standards we want to live up to each day. And that is what it’s all about, right? Keep growing, keep learning with each new goal we tack on to our list.

But how easy are we making it for ourselves with these goals we keep adding on? Are they attainable goals? Are they even our goals (v.s. things others expect us to achieve and so we take on as ours)?

It’s good to review our goals every now and then to see where we are at with them. Some may already be ready to come off the list because we have accomplished them. Others, we may want to drop off because they are no longer relevant due to other life changes that have occurred along the way. And some should be scaled back - made simpler.

For example, if you decided at some point in your life that you should “love” everyone in your life, perhaps you have found that it is not as easy as you would like. Maybe “love” is too powerful a word at this stage. Scale it back a little to start with. Be “kind” to everyone in your life is simpler to accomplish. You don’t need to “love” someone to be kind to them. But kindness is an act of love. So you have just made your life easier and you are accomplishing your goals. And that is what counts.

How to be successful

“Four short words sum up what has lifted most successful individuals above the crowd: a little bit more. They did all that was expected of them and a little bit more.”
— A. Lou Vickery

Courage, the ability to overcome fear and confront the unknown head on, and will power are all ingredients for success. Often, success is as much the product of will power and a refusal to give up as it is anything else.

The healthy successful person is someone who believes in themselves; someone who can take control of the situation and bring events to a positive end. They do what everyone else can do, and they continue to do it until they have reached the ultimate goal — success.

Talking to the other side with James Van Praag

If you missed the VividLife Radio episode LIVE yesterday with James Van Praag, you can still catch it in the archives anytime! And remember to join James at the Celebrate Your Life Conference and learn how to communicate with the other side.

Click here to listen in to the show.

Trust in yourself and the universe

“Though I didn’t know where to begin, I felt this constant, insistent inner knowing that somehow I would be guided. So, all I could do was TRUST.”
— Brandon Bays, The Journey

How much do you trust yourself, trust your instincts? Maybe when things are going well, it’s a little easier to feel like you know what you are doing and you feel in control. But when things go wrong, what then? Do you question your thoughts, your decisions?

My advice — let go. Let go of trying to control the situation and figuring out the exact direction you need to be taking. Often you will have a flood of emotions taking over your senses during stressful or trying times that don’t allow you to “think” it through. So the best course of action is to let it come to you.

Trust that the right answers will come your way. Trust that the answers that your head thinks are not right, might be right. Sometimes your life path might not be what you chiseled out in stone long ago or promised yourself when you were a little child. You just don’t know it yet, but you will be guided to the right path for you at the right time for you if you just let go.

Self-centered intentions are the way to go…

I read this great blog entry by Andrea Hess about setting our intentions around other people… I hadn’t thought about my good wishes (or intentions) around others in quite this way before. Let me know what you think. Personally, it has given me a whole new way of looking at my intentions:

Intentions must be self-centered. That does not make them selfish. In fact, by centering our intentions on what we want for ourselves, we create space and room for everyone in our lives to step into that same level of authentic self-expression. We stop imposing our intentions on the people we love. Just imagine if every choice any of us ever made were met with unconditional approval! After all, who are we to say that our husband must be successful, our son must be responsible, and our children must be happy and healthy? What if they choose failure, irresponsibility and misery? Well, they are being the Divine Creators of their own experience, and we cannot judge their choices. We can only decide what we want for ourselves, and get on with creating our lives accordingly.

Making our intentions about others is a sure-fire way to take us outside of the realm of conscious creation. It takes us out of power and responsibility … and as an added bonus, we can feel good about ourselves at the same time! We can pat ourselves on the back for doing so much for everyone else! By focusing on what we want for others, we can safely avoid taking responsibility for creating our own experience.

In order to step into our Divinity, our intentions must be centered on what we want for ourselves, supported by choices that are ours to make. We are limitless, powerful Divine Creators of only one experience, and that is our own.

Blessings,
Andrea Hess

P.S. Last chance to “Ignite Your Intuition!” with Andrea Hess. Her classes start today, April 27th. Click here Empowered Soul

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